February 27, 2012

by twofiftyorless

Since my grandmother passed away last year, I have had a lot of time to consider all the conditions, people and circumstances that surrounded that day. I am certain that the more time that passes, the less accurate my remembrance of  the details of that fateful night will become, but I want to remember it as it really was. As a result, I have purposefully replayed that evening in my mind over and over again (as if learning my multiplication tables as third grader).  Additionally, the most important events have been chronicled here. At present I need to hold onto that memory, although I am not fully certain why.

Maybe the passing of my grandmother provides me with an opportunity to ponder what I can take away from her death as a learning experience. Granted, I am not naive (ignorant?) enough to believe that “everything happens for a reason” (in a philosophical sense), but that does not preclude me from taking something personally relevant from an experience and trying to grow from it; I figure that her death should be no different.

Or, perhaps, I am just human and cannot rationally explain every quirk, nuance, action and feeling that comes from my cortex. I keep trying, though.