All or Nothing

by twofiftyorless

I yearn for structure and find that I often struggle to succeed in its absence. In part, that is why I began to write this blog daily, not only in an effort to increase the predictability of my day, but to increase my likelihood of success as well. On two occasions now, when the words have become more sparse, or the details of life have gotten in the way, I have pulled away from this blog altogether. In my mind, if I could not write daily, I was not doing it right; if I was not doing it right, I should not do it at all.

The last few months, I have accomplished a lot of things that I would not have had time to do had I been writing with regularity (even if I was just typing 250 words per day). I have read a handful of books, went for long walks with my family (and more with my dog), rehabilitated my lawn, read a few more books and did a lot of house painting. To my surprise, even while completing and participating in these activities, I came to an unexpected conclusion: my blog had achieved its goal.

Regardless of what I was doing, where I was, or who I was with, I could not help but think of what I should be writing about what had happened, how I felt, or how things could have been done differently. I continued to see so many things all around me that related to my roles as husband, father, brother, son, friend or therapist (none of which I have perfected). I missed writing and while I understand that life may get in the way sometimes, that is no reason to stop writing altogether. Granted, I would like to write every day, but I understand now that that won’t happen, and I am okay with that (at least for today).

I began writing this blog to reshape my life, my perspectives/interactions with others and to influence how I see the world. As a clinical instructor I always stress to students to make each patient’s goals measurable and (most importantly) achievable, yet I’ve come to realize that with a family of 2 small children, a job that demands flexibility, a desire to work overtime and a variety of other commitments to myself and loved ones…well, sometimes writing even 250 words a day is an unrealistic expectation of myself.

It is time to set a new goal: don’t quit.